The first way of finding a therapist is by contacting your insurance provider. All insurance providers, whether Aetna, BlueCross, Medi-Cal, or Anthem, have a database of therapists in their network, and they will only provide you with the list upon request.

The second way to find a therapist is to ask a friend. We all know a friend who sees a therapist or has been seeing a therapist for several years, and there is no shame in asking for their therapist’s contact information.  

Anything you want to. Your therapist is there to help you, whether you need help coping with your day-to-day stress or unpack some childhood trauma; a therapist is trained to pick up on the cycles and patterns you are experiencing, even if you are unaware of them. So go ahead and talk about your emotions, parents, hometown, or day-to-day; your therapist will be open to what you want to talk about and even be excited to share your experiences with them.

Come to sessions with an open mind and be open to the therapist's interventions. Whether starting therapy for the first time or switching to a new therapist for many reasons, be open to the therapist.

Being open and honest with a stranger is scary, and a lot of things can go through your mind: “Is this therapist a safe person,” “Will the therapist accept me when I tell them about my past,” “Will the therapist judge me.”

However, the right therapist will provide a nurturing and non-judgmental space to feel safe, explore your experiences and aspects of your identity, and decide how you wish to present yourself in your day-to-day life.  

If you and your therapist are having difficulty connecting and forming a therapeutic relationship, the best question is:  why? And the answer to that question will guide you.

Sometimes, there are many reasons why a therapist and patient/client don’t connect. Some of these reasons could be because of a traumatic experience that your therapist reminds you of, the modality or way they conduct therapy doesn’t connect with you, therapy or the therapist is new to you, or there are personal qualities of the therapist you cannot connect with. No matter the reason why there is no connection or difficulty in making a connection, it is encouraged that people try the following:  

Wait it out: if the therapist is new or you are new to the therapist, sometimes some jitters must be brushed off before you can dive into some beneficial therapeutic work. Instead of calling it off with your therapist after the first session, try and hang in for four to five sessions and decide after the fifth session if there is still no connection. 

Talk to your therapist: Tell them a barrier, or something is preventing you from connecting with them and being 100% open and honest with them. The right therapist will affirm and validate those concerns, explore what and where that barrier is coming from, and see if there is a way to overcome that barrier that could lead to much deeper therapeutic work or a referral to someone. who can better help alleviate that barrier.   

The biggest takeaway is that it is okay if you do not connect with your therapist or cannot for any number of reasons. Therapy and therapists are not a one-size-fits-all kind of service, and if you make the brave decision to seek out a therapist, you deserve to find one that will appropriately cater to your needs and challenge you to become a better version of yourself. On top of it, your therapist would appreciate that you are advocating for your needs and mental health.  

“I want to highlight two different scenarios. Scenario one, where you currently see a therapist and fall into financial difficulties and can no longer afford your current therapist, and scenario two, where you cannot afford to start therapy due to a therapist’s hourly rate.   

In scenario one, I would encourage you to talk to your therapist. Whether your therapist works in a private or nonprofit practice, therapists can adjust their rates. In talking to your therapist, they can see how much you can afford, adjust their rate accordingly, suggest a colleague or organization that fits your price range, or barter with you. Yes, a therapist can barter with patients to exchange therapy for goods or services.  

In scenario two, call your health insurance provider if you have health insurance. All health insurance providers have a list of therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists that they contract with. In addition to giving you a list of mental health professionals they contract with, your health insurance can inform you of your co-pay, any deductibles, their financial responsibilities, and yours. If you do not have health insurance, some agencies can help you understand what insurance you qualify for, your financial responsibilities, if any, and what would be covered under your plan.”

“Some questions that could help assess if your therapist is a good fit would be: 

1. How long have you been a therapist? What does your type of license mean? 

2. How long have you worked with a specific mental health disorder, a specific community you are a part of, or lived experience? 

   • LGBTQIA clients 

   • Depression/Anxiety  

   • PTSD 

   • Religious Trauma 

3. What modalities do you implement in therapy, and what does that mean? 

4. How do you measure success in your session? 

5. Do you work in a long-term or short-term model?  

6. I want to get (insert goals here) out of therapy. Can you help? How would you help?